If I wasn t a Coward

I confess that If I did not have my kid to seriously think about being left behind with my douche bag of an EX. I would honestly eat a bullet. But I am such a coward and I am not Living Life as much as I am waiting to just stop breathing. I have felt like shit since I was a young teen and my family just blew me off and I had to get help 12 years later due to my kid being a newborn. I am suffering in my skin and imprisoned in my mind and in a thousand little pieces in my heart. I am one of millions suffering with bipolar disorder I with Psychosis. I am drifting through life trying to wear a Happy Face mask that doesn’t fit me. I am in a sunken place gasping for air. But I won’t pull the trigger, tie the noose, Drive off the edge or take those pills. I have gone to therapy and taken all kinds of anti depressants = STILL A MESS IN A DRESS. I got Love in all forms But they aren’t strong enough to Hold On to me and their Lives too. I pray so much that I think God has me on Mute or blocking setting. Hanging in there like the kitten praying not to fall into oblivion.

---

NoirIndigo Sins May 03, 2019 at 3:14 am 0 1